Reader ‘dflores’ shared this UTS email with us over at the forum and since his take down is so good, I decided to post it here on the front page as well. The email is about UTS’ new ‘Fiber to the Curb Project’ and according to the letter, it ‘enables UTS to provide higher Internet ADSL speeds at even more affordable prices* to the majority of its customers’.
* even Oprah thinks that UTS isn’t affordable.
Either way, starting March, UTS will adjust the speeds (and possibly the rates) of their clients and the good part is that contracts won’t even be extended. I mean, it’s written right there. Look at the last sentence of the second paragraph. I’ll quote: “The end date of your current contract will remain unchanged.” See? It’s right there, in writing! They will upgrade you and NOT extend the contract.
But hold on, things suddenly get a little tricky towards the end. If you wish to upgrade to an even higher speed, then the contract WILL be extended for two years. I’ll quote again: “After submitting, your application is official and your contract is valid for two more years, starting on the date you applied.”
So, let me get this straight. If I keep the package that you choose to upgrade me to….then the contract won’t get extended. But, if I choose to upgrade to another package of my liking, then the contract will get extended. Rightttttt…..
* knew it was too good to be true *
* starts playing with a grenade *
* remembers that I’m a Flow customer *
* puts down grenade *
* ignores email *
* helps an old lady cross the street *
* teaches children how to read *
* donates to charity *
* sleeps well at night *
Where were we? Oh, right. The email is posted below, just click the image to get a larger view. And kudos to dflores for the fantastic way he ripped that email apart. I especially loved the part where he points out that Paulus de Geus earns a big cash salary. Yeah, you and I both know that Paulus is laughing all the way to the bank. We’re talking the type of money that makes you want to slap your mother.
* thinks of all the money that I’ve given to UTS over the past 10 years *
* vomits uncontrollably *
* goes to counseling *